whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
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