Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Randomize
