Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I DEMAND FORESKIN
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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