You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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