i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
