Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
just tell him i said nine months
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
