we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
