Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
