Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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