It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
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