Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
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