dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex