remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
he just fucked me for my cheese.