I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.