Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there