I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
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It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
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Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk