hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
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she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...