OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.