I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
it's great music for shaving your balls
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"