yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
