I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
