there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Randomize
