i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
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The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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