yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Randomize
