If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
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Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
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We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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