There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
