Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
