you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
