He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
