Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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