I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
do herpes really smell.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
