had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
