My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
