I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
