If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
