is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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