Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
We're too hungover to prance.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
