It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Randomize
