in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
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