Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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