Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize