Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Randomize
