He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
