new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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