I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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