Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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