me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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