talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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