So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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