she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Randomize
