Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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