im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
the condom got lost in my hair
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
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