can we get nightvision for the apartment?
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
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