I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
