she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
