The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
