I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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