Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
