it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
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