No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Randomize
