I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize