i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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