I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
