Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
