i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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