you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
