my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Randomize
