I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
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