and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
