Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
