I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize
