Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
