I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
