Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
