His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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