Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
