4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
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If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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